Extra terrestrial speculation
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: Kagura and Tomo have an interesting conversation about Osaka being an alien, and about unicorns, much to the confusion of Yomi, Chiyo and Sakaki. "Can unicorns use laser vision?"


Disclaimer: I don't own Azumanga Daioh!

Just a weird little oneshot that came to mind and was hanging around my wordpad.

Enjoy!

* * *

Yomi had known it to be a bad thing whenever Tomo got that wistful look on her face, and today was be no exception.

She couldn't quite hear what exactly it was she was bickering about with Kagura, but she was too hot and bored to pay attention. Miss Yukari's classroom was hot and humid that day, and it smelled very strongly of the lilac bush outside. Everyone had been dismissed, but somehow she found herself still stuck in the classroom, held there by a conversation she was slowly being dragged into with two arguing Knuckleheads and Sakaki, who was clearly in a world of her own.

"-And that's why I'm saying so!" Tomo was positively yelling now. "Osaka is an alien!"  
"But even if you say it like that," argued Kagura, "I just don't see why-"  
"Think about it!" Tomo cried, as if it was all totally obvious and Kagura was being deliberately slow. "Like, what about when she does that thing?"

"What thing?"  
"That _thing_ thing!"

"Excuse me..." piped up Chiyo, entering the classroom with an armful of drinks she'd offered to buy from the school vendors. "What do you mean?"

"We've finally figured it out!" Tomo announced, sounding pleased with herself.

"Figured what out?" Chiyo asked, blinking in a puzzled way.

"Osaka's secret!" Tomo elaborated, grabbing her milk tea from Chiyo and taking a large swig from it.

"Secret? What secret?"  
"Osaka is an alien!"

Yomi sighed, catching the totally shocked expression on Chiyo's face. Really, for a ten-year-old prodigy, she could be slow on the uptake sometimes. She really ought to know by now not to take any of the Knuckleheads seriously at any given time. Sakaki, who was reading a magazine, was staring at Tomo as well. There was silence for a few minutes, in which nothing happened except crickets chirping.

"Osaka? An alien?" Chiyo repeated, her pigtails bobbing slightly as she spoke.  
"Yup!" Tomo grinned. "I was just explaining it."

"No, you weren't!" Kagura interrupted, sighing. "You still didn't tell me what 'thing' you meant!"

"The thing she always does!"

"Thing?" Chiyo asked, putting all of the remaining drinks on the table.

"Yeah! The thing she does when she talks?"  
"But that's just because she's from Osaka!" protested Chiyo, waving her arms, "It doesn't mean she's-"

"I wonder what she really looks like?" mused Tomo, who was now staring at the ceiling, ignoring Chiyo's statement. Yomi sighed.

"What do you mean?" Kagura asked, popping a small white mint into her mouth.

"Well, is she like one of those blob aliens? Or maybe she's a tall, bony alien?" Tomo continued, sounding rather excited at the prospect.

Kagura slammed one palm into the other, a look of understanding on her face.

"Oh! I get it! So, she's wearing a disguise!"

"Maybe she's like an alien monster? Or a cute, fluffy alien?"

Sakaki blushed, covering her hand with her mouth and shaking. Images immediately began to form into her mind of fluffy, cute aliens scampering along the surface of mars, catching stars and play fighting.

"Sakaki, are you okay?" Yomi asked, since Sakaki looked like she was going into cuteness overdrive. Or that she was about to have some kind of fit. Either way.

"But then, is she being mind-controlled by the mothership?" Kagura considered now, "Like, what if she's meant to destroy any humans who work out the secret?!"

"Wow! That means we'll have to destroy Osaka first, before she uses her laser-vision!" Tomo shrieked. "Quick, don't aliens hate seeing their own reflection?"

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?" Yomi remarked, eyes rolling.

"I thought that was unicorns?" Kagura put in, holding one palm out as she counted something on her fingers.

"Unicorns are only approached by pure maidens." Sakaki corrected, suddenly imagining herself entering a petting zoo with unicorns all forming a circle around her while she petted their sleek, white fur.

"It's gorgons." Yomi put in, exasperated, but it was clear that Tomo and Kagura were paying no more attention to her then they had been before this totally idiotic conversation started.

"Can unicorns use laser-vision?" Kagura pondered, causing both Yomi and Chiyo to face-fault.

"But unicorns don't exist, Kagura-san!" Chiyo sighed, and as she said it Sakaki's daydreaming of unicorns were instantly shattered.

"That's because Osaka destroyed them all with her alien super-powers!" Tomo cried, triumphantly, "Because they figured out her secret too!"

Chiyo and Sakaki both sported horrified expressions, but Tomo was oblivious, as usual.

"So she's a unicorn-killer now?" Yomi muttered. "I thought she was an alien."

"Can you get pure aliens?" Tomo suddenly said. "That'd be weird. Like, virgin bride aliens?"

"Please be more careful, Tomo-chan!" Chiyo piped up, as Tomo's enthusiastic karate-chop almost smacked the top of her head, with Chiyo managing to duck just in time.

"What the hell are you talking about now?" Yomi sighed.

"You know, like male order brides, but with aliens!" Tomo insisted, suddenly throwing her arm over Yomi's shoulder. "That's how they marry fat girls in some countries, my dear Yomi."

"Shut up." Yomi growled. Chiyo sweatdropped.

"Say, where is Osaka anyway?" Kagura asked, managing to distract Tomo and Yomi, "She was in class, wasn't she?"

"I bet she's taking orders from the brain-sucking alien queen!" Tomo announced, nodding seriously.

"You two will be safe, then." Yomi muttered under her breath. Then the screen door suddenly slid open, and Tomo, Kagura and Chiyo all suddenly went very quiet.

"Say." Osaka said, her head tipping to one side. "What are you guys talkin' about?"

* * *

I might do a sequel to this, I haven't decided.  
Feel free to review!


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